The Self-Doubt Switch: Overcoming Fear, Self-Doubt & Limiting Beliefs

Makena: Welcome, everyone! We have a great topic today. Hi, Gigi.

Gigi: Hello, Makena! Good to see you. Yes, this is a common topic that we have come up a lot in the work that we do. 

Makena: Yes, very common. If any of you listening have ever struggled with self-doubt, fear of failure, limiting beliefs – this is the episode for you. We could probably do multiple episodes on this topic. 

But today, we’re going to dive deep and really talk about “What do you do when you have bigger dreams, but you feel afraid.” 

You feel self-doubt and you wonder, “Do I really have what it takes?”

Gigi, we were talking a little bit beforehand and you were describing how in your seminars – for years and years and years – you would teach men and women about differences in our brains, about what’s actually going on physiologically.

What’s going on differently in the male brain versus the female brain, generally speaking. Would you tell us a little bit about that and how that ties into self-doubt? 

Gigi: I think in this topic, it’s important to have a little history in terms of men and women – this is generalization. As you say, I taught that for many, many years in my seminars that our brains are wired differently.

A male brain and a female brain are very, very different. We process information very differently. Of course, that’s to varying degrees between people, but I want to make some generalizations. 

One thing is you can think of it like this: “Men think more linearly, which is logical and women think more multifaceted, which is more emotional.”

The other thing is the way we’re wired is men are able to separate the sides of their brain. They’re able to sit in their logic and separate that from their feelings. 

For women, we have information that goes back and forth to both sides of our brain. We’re always connected to both our logic and our feelings. 

Because of that, women are extremely intuitive. They’re also connected to everything – we feel and sense everything. 

You ladies that are listening know that, you can go into a situation and often you can tune in to what’s going on with people. You’re sensitive to what’s going on with your children, your partner. 

What does that have to do with self-doubt – because of that we’re a bit reflective. We’re always thinking about and tuning into how we feel. 

Makena: We have a bit more of a predisposition to self-doubt. 

Gigi: Yeah. 

Makena: It’s not that men don’t feel self-doubt. There’s ranges on a spectrum here.

Some men are more intuitive and some women are more linear and logical. 

But the way our brains are actually wired – is that we are operating on all these different spheres at once. Is that what you’re describing?

Gigi: Absolutely. Yeah. 

Makena: With that, there’s this tendency – I don’t know if anyone listening has ever experienced that – but we’re so hyper aware of what’s going on around us and other people and how they feel. 

That creates more of this tendency to go, “Well, what do they think of me?” – or comparing ourselves to other people.

If you’ve experienced that, first of all, know that you’re not alone. 

Gigi: Absolutely. 

Makena: Yeah. It’s one of the biggest things we hear because we really work with people around stepping into your bigger dreams, growing your business. 

Some of the things they say are, “Do I have what it takes?”, “Can I provide value?”, “Other people have done it all before.”

I’m curious though, because there are women that we work with who are very confident in one way. They’re successful. They’re go-getters. They have a lot of confidence.

But you always say that they also sometimes have self-doubt. Tell me about that. 

Gigi: The areas where we have educated ourselves, where we have a strong skill set – we’re confident in those areas. 

But when we step out to do something new and different, something that’s a little bit more risky – then women start to question themselves. 

We see this so many times, because it’s not an area they’re developed. 

We’re generalizing here – I see with men very often, they’re more likely to take risks. They’ll take risks and won’t think about it. They’ll just go for it. If people think badly of them, they don’t really care. If they do, they internalize and they don’t talk about it. 

Though with women when they’re good at something they have that confidence. 

But when we’re working with them and they’re growing… They want to evolve and go for their dreams… They want to step out and maybe do something that’s different – It’s more out there.

Like for you, when you went into being more self-expressed, how was that for you?

Makena: Yeah, I’ve touched on it before, but just to recap… When I stepped into coaching, at first I had a lot of fear and a lot of self-doubt. 

This has been true, not just with coaching, but stepping more into photoshoots and modeling and following a lot of my different dreams.

It was scary. It continues to be scary whenever I’m stretching myself. 

In the beginning, I thought the fear – I don’t know if I thought this specifically, but I almost wanted to get away from the fear and self-doubt. 

And something that I’ve definitely learned over the years is that – fear and self-doubt is actually a good thing. It means I’m stretching myself in some way that’s important to me.

I heard it once said, “Whatever’s closest to your heart and soul, that’s where you’re going to feel the most fear and self-doubt because it means something to you.”

I was like, “Wow, that’s so right on.”

So over the years, you’ve really supported me to move through this. We’re going to talk about in this episode some of the things that you’ve shared with me to move through a lot of that fear or self-doubt.

But I think people assume that I don’t experience it anymore – that’s not the case. 

Now it’s just… When I experience it I go, “Okay, this is normal. It’s a sign that I’m growing, that I’m stretching myself. That’s actually a good thing.”

So that’s been my overall experience there.

Gigi: I think the important distinction to make there is you still feel self-doubt, but you choose to take action anyways. 

Where often the self-doubt – if we believe it and we take it on, it stops people. It stops them from going for things. 

So it is learning how to take that and continue to move forward.

You can listen to people who have been speakers for years. Some people, before they get on stage, they still have an enormous amount of fear. They doubt themselves: “What do I have to say? What do I have to contribute?”

But they practice long enough and continue to do it and just get back out there. So it’s a muscle. 

In the first few years of getting up in front of people, which is the last thing I ever wanted to do, I had so much self-doubt. I still have self-doubt all the time – in certain areas. 

I had support in such a way that I had a mentor who said, “You gotta get out there.” Then also I had dates set up so I had no choice. 

But what happened over time is getting up and doing it consistently – confidence was built. It was an area now that I felt like I knew.

We are confident in the areas where you feel you’re good at. You feel you’ve practiced. 

So the more you practice, the more you step in and go for it, then what happens, the more confident you become. 

Makena: Yeah, I agree. Like you said, even you get nervous sometimes before standing up and teaching a seminar, before recording a podcast episode or whatever it might be.

But there’s also this confidence because you’ve done it for so long. 

The other thing you touched on that is really powerful is this piece of “feeling self-doubt but taking action anyway.” I see that a lot of times there’s so much talk about limiting beliefs and rewiring your thinking. Moving through your fears and doubts – which is so powerful.

At the same time, I see people get fixated on that. 

So much of the time when people come in… whether they’re going through a business coaching program with us or whatever it might be. They say, “I need to work on this self-doubt or this limiting belief more.” 

And there is a time and a place for that. We do have processes where we take people through to look at, “Okay, where did this come from?” “How do you let this go?”

Sometimes it’s just, “Take the action. Take action anyway.” 

That’s something you really taught me. I didn’t just sit there and work on my fears and self-doubt.

When I got started in coaching and you were mentoring me, you said, “Get out there, start talking to people, start sharing what you’re doing. In that, you will start to build confidence.”

But it took time. 

I was pretty nervous for a really long time. And it’s so cool because now, six years into doing this full time and a lot longer – you and I have worked together on and off. 

But six years into doing this full time, there is a certain level that I can get in front of a room where I can record a podcast episode, or I can put myself out there online or whatever it might be. I’m like, “Okay.” – even with the other areas of my life or the bigger dreams that I’m stretching to now.

Because I’ve built confidence in one area and learned to stretch myself and built that muscle of stretching myself, I can feel a lot of fear and self-doubt and I can just go, “Okay. I’m going to go for it anyway. What do I have to lose?”

Gigi: Yeah. I’ve seen you do that. So you learn something there.

It’s different when you learn a skill – if you think about when you went in and you learned your skill of organization, which you are so good at. You have enormous confidence in that area.

I think it is also a distinction when we’re putting ourselves out there, it’s a bit vulnerable.

And a lot of the ways that you’re choosing to go for in your life, because one of your topics is self-expression, is to really put yourself out there and be seen. In a way that a lot of people go, “What is she doing?”

And I said, “If that’s what you really, really, really feel deep inside, you have to go for it. You have to go for it.” 

There will be the people who align with you, love it and support you completely. 

Makena: Yeah. I want to go back to when we were talking about women who are very confident in some areas but still have self-doubt in others. You’d be surprised to learn that underneath they really doubt themselves.

Another thing you’ve told me is that sometimes these women think, “Did I really deserve this?” or “Do I really deserve this?” 

Tell me about that. How did you observe that with women? 

Gigi: Yeah. It’s around being worthy. We see a lot of that. It comes up for people – not just women.

Sometimes when they do something and it’s amazing, they can’t fully open up to just how amazing it is. 

Instead, they add that self-doubt again and go, “Do I deserve this?” 

Makena: People say it’s not humble or or you’re not grateful.

Gigi: Exactly. You’re not humble – that’s a good one. Or you’re being too vain.

Here’s what I really believe and this is what I share with all my clients. 

If it’s something that’s in you that you feel strongly. It’s your dream. It’s what you want to go for. It’s the essence of you.

It’s like if your child comes to you and they are excited about something and you go, “Right on, how can I support them to go for this?” 

I think that’s natural and you go for it.

If for a while it seems like you’re arrogant or whatever – life teaches you. You learn from life and you get a little bit more humble because of experiences and things like that.

The most important thing is if it’s really in your heart and it’s what you want – honor that.

Love yourself and love yourself like if it was your child or something and go for that.

Because you do deserve it. It’s your desire. 

Makena: I love thinking about that. Like a little girl coming up to you. Maybe it’s your daughter and she says, “I want to be a ballerina.” She’s dancing everywhere. 

You wouldn’t say to her, “You need to be humble and not be dancing around.”

Most parents wouldn’t want to do that. They wouldn’t want to put her lights out. They’d say, “Oh, that’s amazing!”

And that’s just natural. We have that in us. 

So it’s to treat yourself the way you would treat a little kid that you really care about and want to see them really step into something that they love. 

Let’s talk a little more about that societal pressure – a lot of women having this picture or this idea of what it means to be the perfect mom. How they need to act, how they need to look. What they need to accomplish in order to be a successful business woman. They need to have this certain body.

Gigi: Yeah, another area that we see is that there are women feeling this societal pressure around things about being a good mom. There are ways that society thinks a good mom should act. 

I remember that way back when I was raising my kids and at one point my mentor said, “You’re not a good mother.” I was like, “What?” 

He just said, “You’re not the kind of mother that needs to stay home with your children. Be there all the time. You’re a different kind of mother. You’re a mother that wants to work. You want to get out there and you want to have your kids with you.” 

I had to break the way I saw I should be as a mother and not conform to what a lot of times society puts on us.

I did that. I lived a very unconventional life and made mistakes just like anyone. 

But that was something that was really right for me. It was right for me and it was the way I grew. It’s the way my children grew in our life and we all had this lifestyle. 

That came from me not conforming to what originally what I thought was the right thing to do – what society told me.

Makena: Yeah, we could do a whole episode on this topic because mom guilt is a big thing. 

And something that you’ve really helped me with, as I begin my journey into motherhood soon, is really looking at the way I want to parent? What works for me? 

I think with all these topics we’re talking about self-doubt, we often look around at everybody around us and go, “Oh, there’s some kind of norm, or there’s some kind of way that people say you should do this thing.”

Then we compare ourselves to that and we usually fall short. 

So whether it’s how you want to be a mom, having the perfect body, or what you think a successful business woman might be, there’s this idea in your mind, or something people around you have told you, about what that means.

And then when we’re constantly comparing ourselves to this ideal, we’re usually going to fall short in some way because I don’t think anybody really fits the ideal. 

And if they do, maybe that’s what’s natural for them, or maybe it’s something they’re working really hard to keep up with. We just don’t know.

So taking the pressure off there is a big one. Finding your way. 

Gigi: Finding your way because everyone’s different. Every woman is different. And you want to find what’s your way.

The way you’re going to go into your business, express yourself in your business, grow your business. Or how you’re going to be a mother, what kind of relationship you’re going to have, or how you’re going to live your life. 

Because you can’t compare what other people are doing and take it on yourself. Because it’s not often aligned for you. So then it feels bad. It feels frustrating.

Then we get in and we want to quit because we think we can’t do it like that person. 

But the most powerful thing to do there is step back and say, “How would I do this differently?”

I see this person out there and I see them going for it. I feel like, “Oh, I could never do it that way.” 

Instead of comparing, I go, “If I did want to do something like that, how would I do it differently? What would I do differently?” 

Write that down. Start to really dream that up. Start to create a way for you to go out there in your business or a way for you to grow your family. 

As we talked about my business, I traveled in my business and took my kids with me for months at a time. I homeschooled the kids.

All that was very controversial at the time – extremely controversial. 

I did it because it’s what I wanted to do. I found a way to create my work and my life around that and you can do that as well. 

You just have to get off social media and stop going into what everyone else is doing and then going into the doubts that you could never do that. Spend some time with yourself and really see what you want and how you want to create 

Makena: I love that question of “What would I do differently?”

So much we fall into the social media comparison trap. The thing is that, you can look at other people on social media and go take inspiration if it’s really something you want. If it’s really something you desire. 

You see someone that is traveling with their kids or someone that is speaking on stages or whatever it might be, and something in you goes, “I want that.” Then that’s a good thing to notice. Maybe there’s a desire here.

But what you’re saying is not to go, “Oh, I could never do it because they’re so good at that.” Then you start to compare yourself and be hard on yourself.

Instead you go, “How would I approach it? How would I do it differently? What would my way be?”

Gigi: Yeah. I love that. That taps into the exploration of your dreams and what you want to do. 

When you see someone and you feel that nudge, often it’s because it is something that you want to do. 

Women will see some other woman doing something, and then come to us and say, “Everybody’s already doing everything I want to do – it’s in the same line of work or same topic.” 

And we’ll go, “No, no, no. You have a unique way of doing this. You’ve got to stick with it and go with it.” 

That’s the main thing, when you see that person and maybe they’re a lot more successful, it is because they got in there. They did it when they had self-doubt and they kept going for it. 

Believe me, if you went and talked to them as well, they would tell you they had a thousand moments of self-doubt. 

I really haven’t met many people that say, “Oh no, I didn’t have any doubt at all.”

Makena: Yeah. Think of an author you love, a speaker, a celebrity, or whoever it might be. We like to think probably in our minds that they didn’t have a lot of self doubt, but the truth is they’re human. They probably did. 

Imagine if they had let that self-doubt take them out of the game, or they had spent so long trying to work on their self-doubt that they never took the actions to get to where they got. 

You wouldn’t have those books in your life. You wouldn’t have those movies in your life. You wouldn’t know that message that they’ve shared. 

You could say, “Well, there’s a lot of other authors out there.” 

What if they had said, “So many other people have written novels in this genre before, what do I have to say that’s any different?” 

You might’ve missed out on something you love – your favorite books of all time, because this author said, “Well, it’s all been done before.”

So when we flip the script there, and we really put ourselves in the position of other people, we go, “Well, they’re all unique.” 

One author to the next. You’re going to love one and maybe not resonate so much with the other. 

That’s true with people like you too. There are going to be people out there who – whatever it is that you feel called to share, however you feel called to put yourself out there…

We’re talking now more about stepping into more success in business or self expression. 

Then there are people out there that are going to resonate with you in the exact way that you have to share it. It does not matter how many other people are doing it. 

So that’s when you feel like everyone’s done it all before.

There’s also the, “Do I have what it takes? Can I provide value?” 

We hear that a lot of the time, especially when people are stepping into anything where they’re working with people or they have a message to share – we hear this. 

I’ll talk about mine, when I felt self-centered to put myself out there. That was one of the things I felt when I first started. 

I came to you and I said, “I feel silly.” 

This was 2018, when I was starting to really grow the coaching side of things. I started posting on Facebook and on social media. It feels silly and self-centered to write all the time. I put my pictures up and all these different things. 

What do I have to offer that nobody’s done before? There’s so many coaches out there already. 

So you taught me something called “The Self-Doubt Switch.” 

I’ve since named it and we’ve taught it to a lot of people. It’s been really, really powerful.

The concept is quite simple. The execution of it can be a little more complex, but will you just tell our listeners what you told me when I came to you? Do you remember? 

Gigi: I said that when you are thinking that you’re being self-centered and thinking so much about yourself – you have your attention on yourself. 

And how you switch that self-doubt is you get the attention off yourself and onto the people you want to serve. Go into your bigger why. Why do you want to do this?

But first get the attention off yourself and get it on the people you want to serve. Because when you go out there and serve those people, that’s so valuable. When you’re thinking about yourself, you’re not in service to those people. You’re not present.

Makena: This was such a big aha. I was like, “What? I’m trying to build this business where I’m going to be in service, and you’re telling me I have my attention on myself?”

But the minute you said it, I got it. 

I was like, “Oh, wait, my attention is on myself.”  I’m totally thinking about myself and how it’s going to come across, what people are going to think of me – and all these different things. 

When you said, “Get your attention on the people you want to serve.” In my case, I was stepping into a business that was about service and I thought, “Oh my gosh, you’re so right.” 

So I started really focusing there and whenever I’d feel self-doubt, I’d just go, “Okay, there are people out there. I hope that I can help them. I’m just going to focus on that.” And it helped me so much. 

I even turned this into a whole guide because I’ve shared it with so many people. Not only as a guide, but I recorded a short guided visualization. 

And we want to share that with you guys who are listening. If you want to go through this self-doubt switch process, you can go through the worksheet, listen to the visualization. 

The visualization is the process that I would do before I got up to be interviewed on a podcast, before I hosted a webinar, before I spoke in front of a live group, before I got in an enrollment call. 

Anywhere where I would feel fear or self-doubt, I would take like five minutes beforehand. Do this closed eye process that I created out of what you taught me here. It just helps so much. 

It’s not that I didn’t feel the fear anymore. It’s just, I felt more settled. I can feel the fear but I can do this anyway, because it’s not really about me.

Gigi: What stops so many people is that hesitation. I’ve taught this to hundreds of coaches – when you shift that attention to who you want to serve and really look at who have you served and what’s been the impact of that.

Maybe you have a fantastic product you’re selling and that changed people’s lives or made their lives better.

When you focus on those, it’s not about you anymore. It’s about the service, the product or the thing you’ve developed that’s making a difference in the world. 

For you, you use that as a practice and start to learn and shift from the self-doubt. Then you get less and less self-doubt over time.

You still have self-doubt kicking in, but when you shift your attention from: It’s not about me. It is about my client. It’s about this person I’m about to speak to in a few minutes. If I say one little tidbit and it changes their life and they go out and they approach their life differently or their relationship differently. That has a ripple effect on their children in so many different ways.

But if I sit back here where I have my doubts and I’m comparing myself to everyone and I hesitate, I won’t have that impact. That impact will take a very long time. 

Makena: If you want to download that free guide visit www.wayofthemuse.com/doubt.

I want to just say that too… You mentioned it’s not about the people they want to serve, but some people aren’t necessarily coaches or healers or something like where they’re doing work with people. 

It could also be about your bigger why. What is the why? What is the reason you want to do what you want to do?

What is the ripple effect of that – that could be just on your own life, your children’s lives, your friends and family. It could be the way that you get to show up. 

Let’s say when you make this money, you want to give back to the world in this way. Whatever it is for you – putting your attention on that bigger why. There’s usually a component where it ends up helping the world in some way or helping people in some way. 

You can also make the self-doubt switch about that. 

Gigi: If you have products – a skincare line, and it makes women feel more beautiful, that’s an amazing impact to have. You want to make women feel more beautiful. That’s your why.

When you do that, women go out, their skin glows, they feel good and they feel younger. There’s an impact there. 

Makena: There’s a lot more we could cover around self-doubt, but I think that’s a really good starting point for this episode.

If you have specific questions about this, you can always write to us at support@wayofthemuse.com. 

If there’s kind of a certain lens on fears, doubts or limiting beliefs that you’re curious about, or want us to help you – you can always do an on-air coaching session. 

You can go to www.wayofthemuse.com/onair and apply to be coached in a future episode.

Because we can tell you lots of powerful tools and different things but of course, when we get in there and work with someone directly, we can move much more quickly. 

We hope you enjoyed this episode and look forward to seeing you next time.