The Art of Letting Go: Healing the Past So You Can Step Into Your Next Evolution

Makena: Hello, everyone.

Gigi: Hi, everyone. Hi, Makena. Good to see everybody.

Makena: Yeah, we are back in the flow of recording these episodes as we go here after some pre-recorded ones have been going out for a little while. So, super excited. And today we’re going to talk about the art of letting go. 

So, Gigi, you just led a retreat on this topic in Germany.

Gigi: Yes, yes, yes. So much fun. Really, really powerful. It’s such a powerful topic. When do we have time to set aside and have space to reflect enough to spend that time for letting go? It’s very rare. That’s why I love going to the retreats, and I know the ladies that were there, why they loved it so much. It’s just such an amazing place to have this spaciousness outside of your world. It was extremely powerful for the women.

Makena: Well, before we get into the topic, just tell us about the place. Where were you?

Gigi: Oh my god.

Makena: Like, where were you?

Gigi: We were in the fairy tale world. Yes, we were in Oberstorf. Oberstorf—I never say it right.

Makena: Right?

Gigi: In Germany. Yes, Oberstorf in Germany. And it was in the foothills of the Alps. It’s just gorgeous. I mean, it was storybook. It was so incredibly beautiful. If you saw pictures, it doesn’t even look real when you see the pictures. It was a spa hotel, so there were amazing saunas, pools, and cows.

Makena: Very. I was home with my baby, which I love. But yes, I was like, oh, I… Wish I could do both.

Gigi: Yes, yes. So we missed you.

Makena: Well, it looked gorgeous. And you guys were there for seven days.

Gigi: Yes, seven days. We had amazing food and just super fun. And the other thing is, I have to say, the women made it. They were just amazing ladies.

Makena: Awesome. So this was our annual retreat, and we thought, you spent so long preparing for the retreat and developing the content, and the women had such powerful experiences that we wanted to take the topic and share a little bit here on the podcast with you all. 

So for people who are listening, what do you mean by letting go? What are we talking about here?

Gigi: Well, I think there are a lot of different ways that you can let go. In life, sometimes people say, just let that go. Well, this was really focused on letting go not only of the things they’ve been holding for a long time—maybe resentments, hurts, past disappointments—but the focus really went to also about themselves. Where were they hard on themselves or upset, or resented choices they’d made or things they’d been harboring and holding for a long, long time? 

Like I said, we have experiences, and a lot of times we have these things in us and they sit inside our bodies, and we don’t process them through. That was so much the first part of the retreat—doing our releasing ritual first. I sent them out to do that in a short time, where we normally tell people to take at least a day, and here they got three hours. But in that, they were able to get out there and really write and write and just dump out anything that was preventing them from moving forward. That is that letting go of those burdens. 

Like I said to them, we store all those things in our bodies—the pressures, disappointments, anger. Everything, all these trauma things are sitting inside, and we don’t have a chance to release. In the retreat, in seven days, it was a lot of release that happened, and through that, we open up to what’s next. So, yes, I’ll speak to that a little bit.

Makena: No, I think to just set the context—speaking to, why do the letting go?

Gigi: Yes.

Makena: Why is that important? Because a lot of people think, this is a lot, I don’t know if I want to excavate all that.

Right. Well, why do that?

Gigi: Because it creates space—space for you to see what you want to bring in, or what you want, I would say, more to evolve into. We’re not letting go, creating space, and then picking something else to put back in. You go, who am I without this? Without all these things in me? We’re all happy babies, right? 

It’s getting back to that part of yourself that you know and love, that lighter space, and then seeing what’s the next evolution. It’s a little bit like your thing, Makena, the woman you’re stepping into, right? What’s the next phase, who do you want to become and be in your life?

Makena: What’s the alternative if someone doesn’t do the letting go first and they’re trying to get clear on what’s next, or they’re setting goals… then what happens?

Gigi: Yes. They’re seeing through a lens of the pain, the lens of the things that have been there for a long time, and it’s hard to fully embrace, like I said, what your heart desires because maybe your heart is covered up with a lot of emotion. Of course, we didn’t let go of everything, but it was so powerful. With everything that we added into the retreat, there was a huge, I think, reawakening for all the women. 

Everybody said so in such a way that they remembered themselves. I think in life, often we forget who we are because of the pressures and things we’ve been through. So to answer your question, what happens is, you go through life, you’re a little bit cloudy, and, like you said, you don’t really know what you want because you’re harboring grief or pain, and that sits on top of your desires.

Makena: I heard it said one time that disappointment is one of the biggest things for women that holds them back because they hold old disappointments. I remember when I first heard that, I thought it didn’t really apply to me at that time. Then, when I started to look, I saw there were a lot of old things I was holding on to. 

When I allowed that to move through, it really created, like you said, space for looking to see what’s next without coming from, like you’re saying, the lens of disappointment—well, that’s not going to work because this didn’t work, or however that was playing out for me unconsciously at the time.

Gigi: Yes. Disappointment and guilt, that’s another big one for women. We named that person, we went into, who was she and how did she serve—not to make her wrong. She served us all up till this point.

Makena: Right.

Gigi: We want to honor her. We want to give her space in terms of that.

Makena: Thank you.

Gigi: Thank you. I am who I am today because of these things, and I don’t have to carry that along.

Makena: So, to be clear, when you say we named this person, you’re saying you named the version of them…

Gigi: Yes.

Makena: The version of each woman who had the hurts or disappointments or the guilt or who went through those things, who, when they look in, they go, oh, that version of me is holding me back. But you’re saying instead of making that wrong, because I think that’s what a lot of people do—they get frustrated or want to throw the baby out with the bathwater, so to speak—you honored that version of them.

Gigi: Yes, we honored her. We even wrote a eulogy for her. Not for your life—we wrote it for her, that part of themselves that was gone, and had her be celebrated and also clearly let go of.

Makena: So in terms of the context here with the art of letting go, it’s again, creating space so that you can see what’s next. Or you said, so that you can really evolve into the version of you, remember who you really are, and evolve into the next version of you. I think that’s good in terms of setting context. I also did want to mention—you talked about the releasing ritual, which we’ve talked about on the podcast before. 

If you guys want to do that process, we actually have it as a free giveaway, and that URL is wayofthemuse.com/lettinggo. 

Lettinggo is the URL—wayofthemuse.com/lettinggo. 

You can actually do that process for yourself; it’s a really powerful one, very in-depth, gets deep.

So what else do you want to share, Gigi, for our listeners about what you guys went through, or how they can approach this for themselves, apart from, you know, that’s a really powerful exercise they can do?

Gigi: Yes. I think the other thing is when you look at letting go, it’s also grieving the part of you that you’re letting go of. I think often we don’t take time to grieve. For example, as we get older, or as you transition into different parts of your life, often we don’t take that time to go, wow, this is a big transition. You just had a baby, right? There’s a certain letting go in that, and there’s absolutely grieving—a life in terms of that. Now you have this person that you’re responsible for for the rest of your life. 

There’s a lot of grieving, and I think that allowance—in the retreat we did, we went into that—the grieving, really immersing yourself in, wow, this part of myself I loved, I had so many great experiences, and that’s passed, that’s done. I think that’s so important as well, to spend some time on that and really see what is the grief you feel there, so you allow yourself to fully emote, to fully feel those feelings.

Makena: It’s interesting. Sunny, my husband, always says that I’m the only person he knows who grieves things in advance, and it’s because I have this awareness which probably comes from you, sharing these things over my lifetime—of those different seasons and cycles and how things are shifting. I zoom out and I go, like you were saying—and not just with motherhood, but that’s a good example because it’s a recent one, but I’ve done this many times in my life—when I know a big transition like that is coming, I start to grieve and process it in advance. You could do it before or after, but for me I start early, and it might just come up in tears, or in talking to Sunny, or journaling, or meditating, or prayer. 

I start to reflect on grieving as an interesting one, because I start to reflect on the things I’m really grateful for—for one thing, like you were saying, that version of me—but also, what is it about the chapter of life that I am maybe concluding? You could call it my pre-motherhood chapter, in this case, or they call it the maiden. What is it about that time that was so beautiful? What did I really appreciate? There’s a kind of grieving that happens there, because you’re honoring it and letting it go, and then, what are my fears, my feelings about what’s coming? That’s something I don’t think a lot of people stop or slow down enough to do, but I feel like it’s a really important thing, really healthy. Is that what you’re talking about here?

Gigi: Absolutely. It’s feel the feelings. We resist the feelings—okay, that’s done, or, oh, sad, but no big deal. Truth is, feel the feelings. Those feelings are there for a reason. I ended the retreat with a part about self-compassion through a book by Christine Neff, I think is her name. The book is “Self-Compassion.” 

I talked about her idea—love your pain because the pain is there, and if you resist it, it sticks. If you love it, you embrace it. You embrace it in such a way that it’s part of you. The more you embrace it, it doesn’t mean that it’ll completely go away, but it does mean it becomes part of you in such a way that it’s fluid. Maybe it does go away, but if you try to get rid of it by resisting or ignoring it, it’s just going to get bigger. The point is, love your pain, love your grief, immerse yourself in it, allow it to go through. When you do that, then you come out the other side so much faster.

Makena: Yeah. When you were talking, I was just reflecting on that—when someone doesn’t want to go in and feel or love their pain, experience it, then, like you’re saying, it often gets stuck in them, or gets bigger…

Gigi: And bigger, more stories happen.

Makena: It seems counterintuitive, though, because people would think by going into it, it would get bigger. I think there are some subtle distinctions we could make here, because there’s a difference between going in and feeling the feelings and loving the pain and allowing things to move through versus what you often call “processing” or sort of recycling in a story over and over again. What is that distinction? I think it’s a really important one.

Gigi: Well, in her book, the next step to that is loving the pain. We even did a process where you close your eyes and feel into your body, feel where you do have pain, and you go into that area. She has something called “soften, soothe,” and I can’t remember the third—allow. When you think about that, if you have physical pain, you go in and soften around the edges, then you soothe it and say, it’s okay, it’s all right. If you have a lower back that’s hurting, it’s okay, I know you carry a lot, it’s all right to feel that. Then you allow the feeling. In that, you embrace it. It’s like you would do to your child or somebody who’s in pain. 

Processing is where we go in and talk about our pain, keep processing and processing. We’re always trying to talk our way through how to get ourselves out of it, and normally it is filled with stories. So it’s not just about the pain.

Makena: Right.

Gigi: I feel this sadness, then I’m going to make up a big story about it, instead of just, I feel sadness. The truth is, when people let go, especially in the process, like our releasing process, they’re letting go of sadness, they have no idea why they’re writing all this stuff down. We don’t know where that little pocket of sadness came from. That could have been from ten years ago, that could have been from three days ago, but we know we’re feeling sadness. When we address it, we allow that. When we process, we start putting a lot of stories to it.

Makena: It’s a really subtle distinction because something like the releasing ritual, you are going to go in and write down a lot of things, a lot of reasons why or whatever. But again, you’re writing it down with the intention to move it through you and to let it go, versus maybe analyze it or understand it or change something. I think that’s a key distinction. You’re not going and talking to a whole bunch of people about it, it’s really a very personal process.

Gigi: So it’s…

Makena: I think there’s something in the intention there, and, like you’re saying, not just recycling through the reasons why or the story. If people do the opposite, if they sit there and process and recycle through, what happens?

Gigi: They build more and more stories. That’s the main thing—people get caught up in a loop with their stories. You know me, I’m all about personal responsibility. I just said that to the mastermind yesterday. I do so many reflective processes with women, and that’s basically all the retreat was. We can look outside ourselves and say everybody’s doing everything to us. But I think the inner work always has to be done first, to see what part we play in everything.

Makena: That’s all right. We were just saying what happens if people do process instead of…

Gigi: So, process—a lot of times what I see is, there’s no personal responsibility. Of course, sometimes processing is important. I just talked to somebody recently and said, with therapy, I agree people need to have time to talk through things and process in that way—walking through. That’s a certain kind of way. What we’re talking about is something very different. We’re not talking about talking, I’m not talking to people about what’s going on or why it’s there or anything. We’re more doing, like you said, the inner work.

Makena: Yeah, yeah. It’s a different kind—they serve different purposes, I guess.

Gigi: Yes.

Makena: Therapy, processing, things like that have value, but this is almost maybe if you don’t feel like you need that, or you’ve already done that, or you know what I’m saying, this is more, you’re at the stage or point of, I’m really ready to let this go, I’m ready to move on and move forward in my life. This is maybe the path to that. Whereas if people stay stuck in the processing, then that can become a loop and they have trouble moving forward. It’s just maybe a different stage of healing or integrating. Again, this is really, at that point of, I’m ready to move forward, to move into what’s next, to create space for that, to evolve. So…

Gigi: Yes, yes. That’s the way the retreats are designed, too. People are showing up, are ready for that, they know that.

Makena: Absolutely. So what else do you want to share?

Gigi: Yes, also, which we did and I think is so important, is being able to move that energy through your body, often through dance or movement. We brought in an amazing yoga teacher, and she also did sound baths and a lot of movement and release—dancing, yelling, all kinds of things. That too was powerful. Then breathwork was added to it. There were a lot of different ways that the women were able to move through that energy, without stories, just allowing that to move through them. That was so powerful.

Makena: Yes. Sometimes doing it just on the mental or emotional level is only one piece. There’s, like, you—I think it’s, who is it, Gabor Mate, that talks about the physical or physiological. Or also, like the book “The Body Keeps the Score.” There’s a physical component to trauma and things that we hold. Energy and emotions manifest in our bodies in different ways. While you can get to some of it through processes or through feeling and moving emotions, one of the most powerful ways is through the body. That’s really a key point. People can look into, like you’re saying, different approaches and see what fits for them—breathwork, yoga, making sounds or yelling. When women come to the retreats, they find a new entry point for themselves, right?

Gigi: Yes, yes. So that was very exciting. We also had foot reflexology—like, no free foot reflexology I’ve ever had before in my life.

Makena: What was different?

Gigi: It was powerful. I won’t tell her secrets, but yes, it was powerful for all of us. So it was also a letting go, definitely. Then, of course, we moved into—with this new space—who are you creating? Looking into who is the person that’s evolving when this is gone—not what do I want to put inside, add and fill all up, but who am I now? Who is this being that’s awakened, feels lighter and brighter, centering from that place? I have a lot of processes and ways that I shared with the women to do this. 

We called it “relaxed resonance,” which is that state of being in your body, being yourself, feeling completely yourself. Then that ability to go out and make things happen still, walk back into your life and be in this state of flow. All the women would tell you that came back, they have this sense of feeling so powerful in themselves with all the effort out of it. I call it easeful intention. We still want that “make it happen” intention, but we want it from this easeful place. I make that joke of, I can get up in the morning and say, oh my god, I’ve got a lot to do, and… that was the sound.

Makena: A little animated there, Gigi.

Gigi: Or I can get up and say, I’ve got a lot to do today; let me get my list down here and start tackling my list. My approach—everything, that’s what I call easeful intention. I want this, I want to make this happen, but I’m going to do it from a place of ease instead of effort. So a lot was talked about there and a lot done there.

Makena: What’s the connection between those two, or is there a connection? Does doing the letting go, if someone’s listening and thinking about doing these processes—whether that’s the releasing ritual, things to move it through the body, just sitting and loving the pain or grieving—some of these different things we’ve talked about, does that inform or support that state of easeful intention? What’s the connection there?

Gigi: Well, like I said, when you let go like that, you choose your way of being. That’s where—just like they chose the person they might have been letting go of, the people pleaser or the control freak or whatever it was, we all named them. Then we look and go, OK, this new person—the perception and the way she steps out—is from a place of ease.

Makena: That’s right.

Gigi: That’s what I share with all women. That’s one of my main things—first in the mastermind, shifting women to that. Effort is awesome; ease is incredible, still with intention. They go together beautifully because you’re not burdened and pulled down by all the resentment, pressures, whatever was in there. Now you have this opportunity to not only see through a different perspective but also energetically act in a different way, tune into your body. You’ve done a lot of release; now don’t put a bunch of stuff in. 

Now you just go, OK, I’m going to approach life with more ease. If I tell you that, everybody knows what that means. They feel that immediately in their body—OK, if I walk across the room, if I approach that in a more easeful way, how would I walk? We all know what that feels like.

Makena: Yes. There’s so much we could talk about here. I don’t want to go down too many rabbit holes because it’s a whole other topic, but it is this piece of not going too much to flow—we call it go mode and flow mode. Not going too much into the flow, because I think a lot of times when people start to tap into more their femininity, or the flow, they sort of get into the state and nothing really happens, either. It’s hard to move things forward in their life. What you’re talking about with easeful intention is keeping an energy that moves forward, but doing it from a place of ease.

Gigi: Yes, and there is a slight distinction there, because effort is “I’m going to go do this and do it well,” and easeful intention is—I think of it like this, since the way I described it to the women—the intention is there, I’m going to get this done, and there’s a certain kind of inner resonance and commitment, and I’m going to do it in an easeful way. It’s actually stronger than effort.

Makena: I think it’s one of your hallmarks or big pieces of your legacy, is that, because it is the transformation that happened in me, hugely, in terms of your mentorship of me and our work together over the years—going from that effort all the time, all day, every day, to more of that easeful approach. I have different chapters and stages in my life, but definitely throughout our years of working together, still going for moving things in the world, doing business, moving things forward. That’s so much of what we see in our clients, right, like you’re saying, that go through our mastermind, for example, the Wealthy World Changers, which this year is called Fierce Femme.

Gigi: Yes.

Makena: So much of what we see with the women over the years is that transition to unwinding and letting go of so much, like you’re talking about, and then stepping into easeful intention, where they are getting results in their lives and businesses, moving their dreams forward, but also doing it from a very different place than they ever did before—more ease, more flow, more relaxation.

Gigi: Yes, absolutely.

Makena: OK. Well, that’s a little preview of where all this would be heading if you’re going to do some of this letting go in your own life, or maybe you’re already doing it. Anything else you want to share, Gigi, or is that pretty much summed up for today?

Gigi: No, I think from today, it’s just to share the experience, and I think to our listeners, just look at what pieces resonate for you. Like Makena said, if you are holding on to a lot, I highly, highly, highly recommend you do the releasing ritual. We have a video with it, right, Makena?

Makena: Yes.

Gigi: That walks you through it and it’s so powerful. Always be looking to see who you are evolving into. We get to recreate ourselves constantly—I’m trying to do it all the time. It’s what keeps me young, always looking at what’s the next thing that will surprise people. We get to reinvent ourselves all the time, and it allows us not to get stuck and believe that we are this way or get a story that this is our life or our way. You do have to let go of some baggage, otherwise you’re carrying a lot of stuff around.

Makena: That’s one last point that I wanted to touch on—there’s something in the art of letting go around letting go of the stories of who you think you are, too. When you are letting go of, maybe disappointments or things you might be mad at yourself or other people for, for me, so much of my journey and just you mentoring me over the years was I had certain ideas about who I was—I was serious, I was structured, whatever. Those had truth to them, but I had to really let go of those views of myself in order to evolve. 

As you’re going through some of these processes, some of that stuff might come up. You’ve got to give yourself room to evolve and not box yourself in and say, I am this way, and believe that you’re always going to be that way. As human beings, we have this incredible capacity to evolve, to become—maybe not about becoming something you’re not, like you always say, it’s becoming more of who you really are, but not the version you’ve thought you are. It’s some other version that wants to emerge. As I was reflecting on some of the things you’re sharing and my own experience with that, that was really key for me.

Gigi: Yes, yes. That’s a really good point. It’s true, when you let go of that, then you were able to open up to your creativity, the bold side of yourself, all those different aspects that are really you.

Makena: Where before I would have said, “I’m not creative at all,” or “I am this way, I’m not this way.” If you hear yourself saying those kinds of statements about yourself, that’s where to pause and go, wait a second, what if I got curious instead—how am I creative?

Gigi: Yes, there’s lots of creativity.

Makena: Or how do I want to be? Just opening up to the evolution of yourself.

Gigi: So…

Makena: All right, everyone, that is our rambly podcast, but those are some of my favorites today, and we look forward to seeing you all in the next episode. 

Please share, as always, if there’s someone in your life that you feel would enjoy this or get value from this, please share it with them. We’re on all the major podcast platforms, and as always, we love when you review, give us a positive review or rate us—that helps us get the podcast out to more people. Thank you, Gigi.

Gigi: Thank you.

Makena: See you all next time.